Miracle

I met with my doctor today before receiving my chemo treatment, and he was very surprised when he could not feel the lump under my arm or the lump in my breast. He said that they don't usually see a reduction in the size of the lump until after the third treatment, but, again, he couldn't even feel anything. I wanted to cry when he told me this, because it is truly a miracle. When Keith and my Dad gave me a blessing the night we found out my diagnosis, part of the blessing said that through the reactions of the doctors, I would know it is God's power that is healing me. Today I witnessed this promise come to pass when I saw the look of surprise on the doctor's face.

I have already learned so many things from this trial, and I hope to learn many more over the coming months. I learned a tough lesson this week. To preface - for the first couple weeks after learning of my diagnosis, I was on a spiritual high. I honestly felt like I was being carried, like there were angels around me bearing me up. I was happy and at perfect peace. Then this week, that feeling went away. I wondered why, because I felt like I was doing everything in my power to keep the spirit with me. But on Monday night, I just felt really scared, discouraged, and alone. I prayed and asked Heavenly Father to comfort me, but I still felt scared. So I asked Keith to give me a blessing, and even after the blessing, I was still full of fear and doubt. So I went downstairs to our family room by myself, and I kneeled down in front of the couch and cried, and cried, and cried. I don't think I have cried so hard since some guy broke my heart years ago. When I got most of the tears out, I prayed again, and told Heavenly Father what all my fears were, and pleaded for comfort. As I was praying the thought came to me that I needed to go to the scriptures for the comfort and peace I was looking for. So I went back upstairs and got in bed, and read the first three chapters of Mosiah. The peace I was seeking finally came over me, and I was able to go to sleep. The next morning, it occurred to me that Heavenly Father had taught me a powerful lesson. If God carried us through our trials and made them a piece of cake, we would not learn anything or grow. He carried me for a couple weeks, then he set me down to walk on my own, to increase my own spiritual strength. It was His way of saying, "Sarah, I will give you the peace and comfort you are looking for, but you have to work for it so that you will become the person I want you to be." I have been okay about reading my scriptures in the past, but usually only spent about 10 minutes a day casually reading. Had God continued carrying me, I would not have had any desire to improve this habit. But since this experience, I have spent each night immersing myself in the scriptures, sincerely seeking knowledge, and God has blessed me again with His comforting spirit. I have been asking God to help me to learn the things He wants me to learn from this trial, and He is certainly answering me.

God lives, loves us, and is anxious to bless us in our times of need, if we will but turn to Him. I am grateful for this trial and for all the ways I have already grown from it. My faith has increased, as well as my desire to do everything I can to have and keep the spirit with me.

Everything else with chemo #3 went well today. Dad came with me and we both read our Harry Potter books (he is reading them for the first time too). I am now at home in bed, heart pounding again and feeling just a little nauseous. The doctor gave me a couple new meds today for the nausea, including Marinol, a form of marijauna. Um... I'm not so sure I'll be filling that prescription.

One more note - I changed the settings on my blog so that anyone can post, not just those with Google accounts. So post! I love to get posts!