Adieu, Beloved Hair

This morning when I woke up and ran my fingers through my hair, a bunch of hair decided to stay in my hand instead of on my head. It was a little horrifying, like one of those dreams where all your teeth fall out. I almost cried, but was able to hold it together when I realized that the majority of my hair was still firmly attached. But I also decided that it would probably be less traumatic to just shave my hair off than to have it fall out in clumps. So, today was the day I said goodbye to my hair.

When Keith came home from work, I told him what the plan was, and he agreed to do the dirty work. He made me promise that I would remember who I was, and that I was beautiful no matter what.

So after dinner, I sat on a stool in the kitchen, and Keith (brave soul) shaved all my hair off while I sang "Nothing Compares 2U." When he was about halfway done, our two little boys came in from playing outside. We explained to them why we were shaving my hair off, and they just stood there with wide eyes as locks of Mommy's brown hair dropped to the floor. Jonas said, "Mommy, you look weird, but I still love you." Then he said, "You look like a man now," to which Liam added "Now you can drive a truck." Keith just kept telling me how beautiful I was.

I got through the shaving part without crying, probably because I spent the entire time reassuring my little boys that I wasn't sad and that my hair would grow back someday. When all my hair was gone, I felt fine and I honestly didn't think I would cry. But once I looked in the mirror, no number of Sinead O'Connor or G.I. Jane jokes could keep the tears from coming. I went upstairs and bawled as I shampooed all the stray hairs off my head and neck, then bawled some more as I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize the person staring back at me.

I said a little prayer, asking Heavenly Father to comfort me, and He reminded me that my worth has nothing to do with what I look like. I am still Sarah, mother of three little boys, wife of a loving devoted husband, daughter and sister of a family who loves me, and most importantly, a daughter of God. As I thought about this, I was filled with a desire to increase my inner beauty - to be a more loving, giving person, because in the end, the beauty of our spirit is the only beauty that lasts.