Good News

I met with my doctor today and went over the results of the PET Scan - and it is good news! The cancer has NOT spread beyond the affected lymph node, and I am officially in stage 2B breast cancer. I am relieved to have this knowledge, and I finally feel confident saying that this is a fight that I can and will win. I just have to get through 15 more weeks of chemo, surgery, and radiation, but I know I can do it because I have so many wonderful people supporting me and cheering me on. Thank you again for all your prayers and support. Really, I can't say thank you enough. And please keep praying for us! We will need it!

PET Scan

Just a quick update: This morning I went in for a PET Scan, which will be helpful in determining what stage my cancer is at and if it has spread beyond my lymph nodes. I have an appointment tomorrow afternoon to go over the results with my doctor. We are praying for good news!

I am also starting to feel back to normal today after my first chemo treatment last week. I even made dinner for Keith and watered all the flowers!

I have realized that it can be very easy to get depressed in a situation like this. I was thinking last night about the pioneers and how when they were trekking across the plains, they often stopped and played music and danced. Even though they were in a difficult situation, they paused to have fun, to lift their spirits, and to count their blessings. I realized last night that I need to do the same. I know the next few months are going to be tough, but if I take one day at a time, and make the most of each day, it will be so much easier.

I'll let everyone know the results of the PET Scan tomorrow night!

Seriously, a wig?

I've often driven by wig shops and wondered to myself, "How do they stay in business? Who buys wigs?" Well, yesterday afternoon, I walked into a wig shop and realized that it is people like me who keep them in business. Normal people who lose their hair, who happen to want to continue looking normal. I went with Keith, and I probably tried on at least 20 wigs. Short, long, brown, blonde (we thought it would be funny for me to walk into sacrament meeting next week wearing a long blonde wig). We finally decided on a medium-length, brown wig with some highlights. I still have my real hair, but it is supposed to fall out within two weeks. I also ordered some scarves today online since I haven't felt up to getting out of bed.

I explained to my 4-year-old that my hair was going to fall out, and he said, "Well, you'll look weird, but you'll still be pretty." It seriously made me start crying. He is such a sweet little boy. He has been bringing me drinks, and more drinks. I have 5 cups of water on my nightstand because I can't bare to turn him away when he wants to help.

This whole experience still seems so surreal. I never saw my life going this way. I knew I would have trials, but it was always the "other" people who got cancer. It has completely changed my perspective on life. I will never again take my blessings for granted, and I will be living each day to its fullest, seeking each moment for the guidance of a loving Heavenly Father, and doing all I can to become the person he wants me to be.

Why chemo first, masectomy later?

Becca had a question about why I'm doing chemo first. Here is my answer:
I am having the chemo first because I still have breastmilk since I only stopped nursing last week, which complicates surgery. The surgeon would have wanted to wait a couple weeks to do the surgery, then wait 4 more weeks for me to heal before starting chemo. I just felt like 6 weeks was too long for me to wait for chemo, because the thought of the cancer spreading is what keeps me up at night.

I have a very aggressive cancer that seems to spread easily, and they said they have done studies where the chemo has been first or last, and it makes no difference in the overall survival rate. I just felt like I needed to start asap with something.

Even if the chemo shrinks the tumor or makes it disappear, I will still be having a bilateral masectomy. I am 32 years old with very young children, and I don't have to ever worry about this cancer coming back. I am not my breasts, and luckily my husband holds the same opinion. My life is worth that to me - to be able to raise my children to adulthood, to continue with all the work that I know Heavenly Father still wants me to do here. I just feel it is the right thing to do for me.

Of course I will have reconstructive surgery, and the surgeon tells me that they will look very close to real breasts, so at least I will still feel like a woman. But my family is the most important thing, and they need me here, with or without breasts (that were getting saggy anyway).

First Chemo

It has been a whirlwind of a week. I found out I have breast cancer, have met with several doctors, and finally decided on a treatment plan. I'll be doing 4 months of chemo, followed by a bilateral masectomy and reconstruction, then radiation. I have a PET scan next week to see if the cancer has spread outside the lymph nodes, because if it has, it will be an entirely new battle. On the upside, I finally started reading Harry Potter this week, as I have a feeling I will have a lot of down time in the next few months (I can already hear you Harry Potter fans cheering).

I want to thank everyone for their prayers, fasting, and support. I have felt an outpouring of the spirit this last week like I have never felt in my life, and I know it is because everyone is praying for me and my family. So thank you, thank you, thank you. God has certainly heard your prayers for us.

I started chemo today with my chemo buddy, Keith (you may also know him as my husband). I sat in a large grey recliner in a big room full of people receiving chemo treatments. They hooked me up to the IV and gave me anti-nausea meds, then they injected the first Chemo drug, Adriamycin, a red liquid that they push into my vein with an oversized syringe. It actually looked just like red kool-aid. Next, they gave me the second Chemo drug, Cytoxan, through the IV. Then they gave me a shot of magical burning liquid, that is supposed to build up my blood counts, with the side effect of bone pain. We were there for about three hours, but it went by fast with my chemo buddy. We laughed and joked and talked the whole time. And to be honest, it was a relief to get started on the fight.

So here I am, laying in bed with my laptop, feeling nauseous and very, very tired. If you've ever wondered what chemo feels like, it feels kind of like poison is coursing through your veins ... probably because ... poison is coursing through your veins. Not a good feeling. But I am so grateful that the new drugs will keep me from throwing up. I hate throwing up more than anything! Well, except for cancer. Cancer is my new worst enemy.

Keith has turned into the perfect man these last couple weeks. He is constantly complimenting me, doing everything I ask, and asking me all the time how I feel. What more could a girl ask for? He has truly been an angel by my side. He has comforted me, given me blessings, reassured me 300 times that I'm not going to die. I am so grateful for the wonderful and amazing man that he is.

I'll keep you posted, and thanks again for all your prayers!