Running, Writing, & Hypochondria

The fear that I felt last month has mostly gone away. Most of the time I feel at peace and hopeful that the cancer will never return. I spend a lot of time reflecting on the blessings I received during treatment, my patriarchal blessing, and experiences in the temple that reassured me that I still have too much work to do to leave this life yet.

But a few days ago, a little vein popped out on the top of my wrist, and it was all bruised around it (I don't remember hitting it on anything), and I noticed a few tiny red dots on my skin. I've also had a low-grade fever since my hysterectomy (almost 8 weeks ago). So of course, I turned to the most reliable source of panic-inducing information: the internet. I discovered that these are some of the symptoms of leukemia. So for a couple days, I was panicking, thinking the cancer had spread to my bone marrow. I called my doctor, and they had me come in for a blood test, not because they were concerned, but because they wanted me to stop panicking.

Well, my blood looked great, and they said if the cancer was in my bone marrow, it would have affected my blood counts. But they also have no idea what is causing the fever, or the protruding vein and bruise ("maybe you hit your wrist," they said). But they don't think my symptoms have anything to do with my cancer. They aren't too concerned about the fever since it is low, but hopefully it will go away on its own so I can stop worrying about it!

Yesterday I went running for the first time in a year. I put Graham in a stroller and ran behind Jonas and Liam on their bikes. It was such a beautiful day and it felt wonderful to run without getting tired. We went to the church parking lot and Jonas got off his bike and raced me. Of course I let him win.

I've been writing like crazy lately, working on my book for a couple hours every day. It is a novel I started working on three years ago (what can I say, I've had some serious setbacks). I've made a goal to finish the rough draft by May 19th. Keith is being so supportive. He wrote "May 19" on our bathroom mirror with a dry-erase marker to remind me, and he gives me time to write every night while he puts the boys to bed. The only problem is I've been staying up way too late, because once I get in the zone, I can't stop!